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Part 1 of "Hey look, Hanna and Jayne solve a case, reflect on how they met, and decide to approach their three-year partnership/relationship in a slightly adult manner"

I think this is the first fic I've written where I didn't get to name one of Unzombie's romance novels. So instead I name a porno. There you go.

Story switches from the first days of Hanna and Jayne crossing paths and the first conflict they tackle, and back to the present, where it's Hanna's twenty-seventh birthday and he's just recieved a distressing case connecting to a well-hidden part of his life. WHAT ON EARTH WILL HAPPEN.

CERTAINLY NOT FUCKING.

Title from The Arctic Monkeys.

Mysteries flashing amber go green when you answer but the red on the rest of the questionnaire never changes.
I heard the news that you’re trying to shoot me out of a cannon.
I heard the piledriver waltz, it woke me up this morning.

You look like you’ve been for breakfast at the heartbreak hotel
Inside of a back booth by the pamphlets and the literature on how to lose.
Your waitress was miserable and so was your food.
If you’re gonna try and walk on water make sure you wear your comfortable shoes.

Oh, piledriver.
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